More memories

Dear friends and family,

In addition to the memories that everyone has shared on the “Memories” page, we have also received a number of memories by e-mail or through the obituary site.  We will be reposting those here on this page.

 

From Regena and Eric Nelson

Dear Tobi:

I’m in shock and can only imagine what you must be feeling.  The last time I saw Doug was when we were at the luncheon at the Infant Mental Health conference in May. He contributed so much to our field and was an amazing mentor to so many people.  Years ago we rode together to Lansing to meet with Governor Granholm’s policy advisor to discuss the Nurse-Family Partnership.  We engaged in a deep conversation about our work and the culture at the University of Michigan, my alma mater.  I felt honored to spend time with him and connect with a like-minded soul. I hope you can find comfort In knowing that a part of him will always be with us through his work, your children and grandchildren. You and your family will be in our prayers as you grieve this tremendous loss.  We love you.
Regena and Eric Nelson

From Roohi Radparvar

Dear family of Doug Davies,

We send you our deepest condolences. We were shocked and so saddened by this news. As a family, we have known Doug since his Peace Corps days in Iran when he lived with Mr. and Mrs. Refah- who truly consider Doug as a son. We are so grateful for the continued relationship– including just a few months back when he hosted and made a very special Persian dinner for Michael Radparvar and David Radparvar at his home, and shared stories of our family from many years ago. Thank you Doug, for the stories and pictures that you have shared with our family through the years and efforts you have made to stay connected.

May Doug rest in peace. May the memories we have of Doug give us strength at this very difficult time in your lives. Sending lots of love to the entire Davies and extended family, including Tobi Hanna-Davies, Aaron Lane-Davies, Justin Davies and Emily Bettencourt.

With much love,

Mr. and Mrs. Refah, Roohi and Mansoor Radparvar, Ramesh Cohen, Michael Radparvar and David Radparvar

From April Van Devender

Anytime is “too soon” to lose the ones you love. If I just notice, the rain stops. The clouds move away. I see splotches of blue. The tip of a green tree branch frames the window. The leaves are perfectly still. A bird flies by, reminding me of change. “Here today – gone tomorrow”. That’s how Doug left us, instantly. He knows firsthand how the children feel. But thank goodness he doesn’t have to experience my grief, Jenifer’s grief, Tobi’s grief. He knows about losing his parents and grandparents. That’s hard enough. I’m glad he doesn’t know about losing me and Jenifer and Tobi. Or maybe he does know. When a person dies do they have to go through this grief, too? I hope not! No, that can’t be right. When I feel calm and comforted, I feel Doug beside me. He’s O.K. now. He can get into every play, every concert, everybody’s heart; he doesn’t need a ticket anymore to “ride the freedom train” or “fly the friendly skies…”

“Honey just allow me one more chance to ride your airplane,

Honey just allow me one more chance to ride you passenger train…”

I take in the good – so much good was Doug. I take him in and let him out with each grateful breath. When the tears come, I let them fall freely. I breathe and smile and give myself a break. I bathe in joyful memories of Doug. I soak up all the goodness that belongs to me and everyone he loved.

 

From Johanna Suzanne Graine

Davies Family-
My deepest sympathies on the loss of one of the most amazing men I’ve known. I wanted to share how Doug touched our lives and how remembered he will be forever. My son Ari, now 14, battled leukemia from age 4-10. Doug was my former clinical supervisor when my son Ari got sick. I could only imagine turning to Doug for support. Doug agreed to see Ari weekly for play therapy in my home. Doug created a safe place for my preschooler to play through accepting his battle to fight (& beat) cancer. Ari would not have emerged as the young man he is today without the support, love and expertise of Doug. Their work was profound and his gentle soul nurtured me on some of our darkest days. I am shocked by this loss and hope to find our way to the memorial. Please know that today Ari strives to be a pediatric oncologist when he grows up and Doug will be a part of my sons tender soul as he helps kids become future survivors. Lovingly/ Johanna mabry

From Barb Cooley

Memories of my Friendship with Doug Davies 1967 – 2015

In 1968 John and I moved to Kalamazoo where John started teaching in the English Department at WMU. There were so many young faculty back in those days, but when we met Doug and Emily, we knew ours would become a lasting friendship. We had an instantaneous verbal and non-verbal connection. To me, I guess, Doug was so much more than just a young academic – he embraced a much broader life vision, and for me (a non-academic) that was most appealing!

I have fond memories of Doug and Emily’s first apartment near Oakland and later the farmhouse in the country. It was clear to me that their value system was more in tune with mine than most of my other friends in Kazoo. I remember with fondness Aaron’s arrival soon after we met, followed by Carolyn’s less than a year later in 1969, and then both Justin and Meredith in 1971. Our early years together were understandably child-centered. It was during that time that I admired (and perhaps envied) Doug’s equanimity, no matter what the situation. I sensed it at the time as serenity. But Emily expressed it recently as quiet strength and that is right on. He was (and has been ever since) so kind, gentle, caring and composed.

We were family in every sense but blood. The four children were kindred spirits – more like cousins than just friends. When Davies moved to Ann Arbor a few years later, there was a decided void in our lives, but we still got together for holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Easter, and for camping trips – big ones – to the UP, Smokies, VT as well as northern Michigan. Was it I who backed the van into a ditch? Even then, Doug was unflappable and we eventually got out – on our own!

I remember with sadness the one time Doug was not his usual self – so ”down in the dumps,” I might say – when he came to VT alone with the kids after Emily and he had parted. But it did give him a chance to fold into himself while the children interacted and he didn’t have to be strong for them. That sad time didn’t last too long, though, as he soon met Tobi and our friendship expanded, to include her. I remember their visit here when we met Tobi’s family – Carolyn was struggling with anorexia and it was our family that needed the support. It works both ways when you are true friends. I remember Gillian connecting with “Carolyn” at that time.

But it wasn’t till Doug and Tobi decided to “retire” in Kalamazoo and live in our very own neighborhood, next to the Lane/Davies, that our friendship really blossomed again – this time including Elizabeth, Hannah and Hayden,. It was in 2005 that we saw almost all of the family here in Vermont. Is that the year Laurel completed her Master’s at Middlebury? (We missed the Lane /Davies that year, I think.) By then Doug had risen to the top of his new field of psychotherapy for troubled children and was lecturing widely. But he was still the serene, quietly strong friend we have loved over the years and it was again the Cooley’s that needed his strength!

I will celebrate the memorial of Doug’s life with all of you “in spirit” as I spend time alone thinking of all of you in my favorite inspirational spot, the Japanese Garden, a few miles away. I cannot remember whether we went in 2005. I think not, so all of you, come back to Vermont soon so I can share this special place with you – and we’ll all think of Doug,

From April Van Devender

03/03/15 12:40 pm

Doug is in the sky on his way back to S.F. I’m so thankful he came to see us! Maybe my intrusive, fearful thoughts are a way to prepare for the inevitable fact that I will suffer loss someday. It was unsettling that even while he was here I worried about him. When I heard a noise in his room and then silence, I asked Michael to check on him. When he went upstairs to take a shower and I didn’t hear the shower turn on, I actually called to him, “Doug, I thought you were going to have a shower” and he answered from behind the bathroom door, “I am, but I’m on the john”! Gosh, he must think I’m a worry-wart. Wha-da-ya- mean “think”, he “knows” you are! My reason, my rationale for worrying is that I love him so much.

06/05/15 4:40 am

My most beloved brother died a little before 7 pm yesterday. Or it could have been a little after 7pm. Ever since he told us he was diagnosed with the same heart condition mama died from, I have wondered when he would die and never wanted to experience this loss. It is so painful, just the way I knew it would feel. I woke up at 4am and went outside and chopped wood. I built a fire in the woodstove and watched the flames lapping up the chimney pipe. I told him, “now what do you think about death?” I saw him smiling at me, even laughing, admitting that maybe he was wrong about death after all.

06/07/15

When I was little he played “cowboys and Indians” with me. He let me into his clubhouse fort in the eucalyptus tree if he wasn’t having a meeting with his friends. He’d race me home and let me get there first. Sometimes he’d let me win at checkers even though he was the neighborhood checkers champion. He comforted me when I broke up with my first boyfriend. He studied Freud and Jung and then analyzed my dreams. When he went away to college I’d sit in his room playing his Bob Dylan records and daddy would say, “ turn that down, that guy can’t sing”! When he and Emily lived in S.F he let me come and stay with them. When he was in the Peace Corps in Iran he wrote me letters. He was the most wonderful, important person in my childhood and that bond continued throughout my whole life. He was so proud of his two sons, Aaron and Justin, and then his grandchildren, Hannah, Hayden, and Sage. He found true love with Tobi as I did with Michael. His gentle nature and brilliance was a balm for his family, his students, his colleagues, and the children in his practice. No better way to end this tribute than to quote a few lines from Blood On The Tracks: “…you’re gonna make me wonder what I’m doin’ Stayin’ far behind without you You’re gonna make me wonder what I’m sayin’ You’re gonna make me give myself a good talkin’ to I’ll look for you in old Honolul-a, San Francisco, Astabula You’re gonna have to leave me now I know But I’ll see you in the sky above and the tall grass and the ones I love You’re gonna make me lonesome when you go.”

From Michael Van Devender

Doug Davies: Loving husband, father, brother, grandfather, uncle, teacher, counselor, brother-in-law, dear friend, and much, much more. I met Doug on the occasion of the birth of April’s and my daughter, Monica, almost 35 years ago. In all those years, I have never known Doug to be anything other than exemplary…a shining light, in fact. He made the extra effort to contact, support, love and share with family members, friends, colleagues, clients, children (even my children!) and me. Over the years we managed to spend time together in a wide variety of places from Michigan to Yosemite, Modesto to Mt. Tamalpais, San Francisco to the wine country and at all of our family’s homes. We saw each other’s children grow up, grandchildren arrive and grow, our hair go gray and our bond grow deep and strong. I wasn’t able to spend as much time with Doug as I would have wanted…life kept us both very busy. It was enough, though, to make our bond one of the strongest in my life. More often than not we saw each other because Doug had made the effort to make it happen. Mostly, I benefitted from the fact that I am married to his sister and he really made sure they got together as often as possible. Thinking back on my experiences with Doug and Tobi and all the rest of his sphere, I am drawn to Nature. Yosemite, Mount Tamalpais, hiking in the Redwoods. Just this March, Doug and I hiked to Elk Head in Trinidad, CA with April, Monica, and our grandson Bodhi. It was a wonderful visit that I will cherish. I certainly didn’t expect that it would be our last. I love you, Doug. I miss you so much. There is a big hole in my life that you filled. I am honored to have been a part of your life and the bonds we shared continue to reach outward to those people we both love. Knowing that we all will die and that we all will lose those we love doesn’t make it any less shocking or painful when it happens. I am using Doug’s loving example as a source of strength to deal with the loss. Even now, he is a powerful force. Rest in Peace, Doug. You are sorely missed and still very loved.

From Monica Star
The last visit we had with Doug, Bodhi was making armor out of cardboard and duct tape in preparation for a larp(live action role play) battle. Bodhi was telling Doug all about his teams strategies, and Doug seemed so genuinely interested and excited. He had a lot of questions, and Bodhi was getting all energized as he shared the details with Doug. It was really sweet how they were both enjoying each other so much.

From Tina Timm

Doug was one of my Professors at UM and I remember him fondly. He influenced my clinical work with children in significant ways as I’m sure he did with many others. It is a great gift to share your knowledge with 100s of students who then work with 1000s of clients. My condolences to your family.

From Trisha Wiltz

I think I am still in shock. Uncle Doug was one of the best uncles one could have. He was simply the most awesome in all aspects of life. He taught me so much and i will be forever grateful. I wish i wasnt so far away from you guys. I love you all. Uncle Doug, I love you and you will be forever missed and celebrated.

From Bonnie Daligga

As my many other colleagues in MI-AIMH, I am so deeply saddened by the loss of such a wonderful, kind, generous, and wise soul as Doug Davies. He was all about family and genuine, loving relationships. He will be deeply missed and will continue to inspire the best in each of us. My condolences to his beautiful family.

From Dan McConochie

We were honored to be Doug’s friends since Peace Corps adventures at Reed and in Shiraz and then at Michigan. Later it was always fun to catch up with his news of family, his progress as a scholar, and the quiet joys of his life. Absolutely the best listener that I have ever known.

From Vida Kohanteb

I would have been just few years old, the first time I met “Mr. Doug”, as my parents would call him! In my young age for the period of time “Mr. Doug” lived in the upstairs unit of our home, I remember a gentle and kind man almost all the time with a camera in hand, as a matter of fact most if not all the pictures of me, my siblings, parents and extended family during “Mr. Doug’s” time in Shiraz were captured by him with genuine love & respect for our family, our culture and traditions. The amazing black and white photos, captured our family moments so beautifully and have been and will be treasured always. The privilege of staying in touch throughout the almost last 50 years with Doug and his family is one that we will cherish forever.

From Jeanine Jeffers-Woolf

I was so shocked and saddened to hear the news. I was greatly honored to be a part of one of Doug’s Alaska reflective supervision groups. Of course he was insightful and wise, but it was his compassion and honesty that was an inspiration to me. I am so grateful I was able to be one of the many lives which he touched. He spoke so lovingly and with such joy of his grandchildren and family. Thank you for sharing him with those of us in Alaska

From Margo Siegel

Doug was my mentor and recent supervisor. He will be missed by many in the field of infant mental health, but his family was what was most important to him. I will miss his kindness and thoughtful insights. Doug, may you rest in peace.

From Andrea Schneider

So saddened to hear this news. Dr. Davies was such a mentor and inspiration to me as a MSW student at U of M. His book is in my private practice office and his words of wisdom and kind heart live on. Peace

From Linda Young 

I am so sad to hear this news . Though I hadn’t seen Doug in many years , I remember him well from my early years as a psychology intern at CPH. What a beautiful spirit and kind, gentle soul. I know that he touched the lives of so many people. I am grateful to have known him.

From Joan Knoertzer

I met Doug Davies when he arrived at the Library B&B in Ann Arbor. He needed a lodging close to the School of Social Work as he was teaching that fall. He wanted me to know that he would not need to eat as he had his own diet and would I give him a steady rate for the next semester. We bargained a lower rate, and I told him if he continued to stay here amongst the many books, I would never raise that rate. He stayed for 13 straight semesters, 13 years. He was my first customer. I will never forget his kindness, his love of a good glass of wine and ambling conversations. He met many of my guests and taught many classes all over Michigan–Detroit, Traverse City. He revised his book while coming here, fixed many wonderful smelling meals in the kitchen that the guests can use. Always smiling, always concerned about others, always loving his family. We here at the B&B will miss him so very much. My heart goes out to his family and many friends. God bless you, Doug Davies.

From Kathryn Cain

A tremendous soul, and a generous mentor. His light will shine on in children everywhere. Peace.

From Susan Darrow

Doug was such a wonderful clinician, teacher, colleague and friend. He really was a “man for all seasons” who was gentle and kind but also able to bring strength and grace to pressure when necessary.
He will be greatly missed but long remembered by all who knew him.
My love to Tobi and the Davies family.

 From Anne Snudden

I will remember Doug as a smiling, kind, and very wise man.

 From Debbie Gioia

I enjoyed meeting Doug when I was on faculty at U of M SSW. He was incredibly supportive when I first taught the Child and Adolescent Development course and gave me a copy of his text which was so valuable in guiding my teaching. He gave and received love, and will be missed by many, I am sure.

 From Chris Morgan

I remember Doug as the loving grandfather of Hannah and Hayden, and how much he supported their personal interests and educational growth, while his grandchildren attended Kazoo School. My deepest sympathy and heartfelt love is extended to Tobi, Aaron, Elizabeth, Hannah, Hayden and all family members. Peace be with you.